faith.hope.love

MUST.

RESIST.

ONLINE SHOPPING!

why does fall time sound so weird when spring time summer time winter time sound so natural? anyways, the weather is cooling down, it’s starting to feel like fall and i can finally bust out my coats, jackets, sweaters, scarves and boots

junior year: classes are alright, welcome night went smoothly, football games are always fun, high school friends came, urban is having a lot of sales, freshman lock-in was a blessing, i love my small group girls. so far so good. except i’m broke phi broke and my first wave of midterms is starting next week. haaaaa.

recently, God has really been challenging me and breaking me down with so many different kinds of emotions (good and bad). i’m not really sure how my feelings relate to my faith as a Christian, but i do have a tendency to think/speak/act on my emotions, and i know that they sometimes mislead and negatively reflect my thoughts, my words and my actions. but at the same time, He really is showing me how to cope with these struggles and giving me a stronger heart. i’m slowly and finally learning the power of His Word and prayer. wow

haha i just thought of a random story:

when i went back home at the end of summer, i found out that we have a hamster now. my brother got it from his ex girlfriend (or girlfriend.. i don’t know anymore lol). so one day, my mom heard this squeaking noise from downstairs and got really worried and scared because she thought the hamster was crying. so she called my brother to come home immediately because the hamster is in pain, but when my brother rushed home, they found out that it was just the sound of hamster wheel turning. hahahah oh silly mom.

cute huh

i just conquered a 15-page term paper.

i win! you nasty paper.

3 hours of sleep,

red bull,

coffee,

14-point punctuations

and wake-up calls FTW

i think i am slowly overcoming my zoophobia, something i have struggled with for many years.

(those of you who may not know, zoophobia is a legitimate phobia [fear of animals] that can be found in medical dictionaries)

1: i have a pet and i care about him xD

tonight after officer meeting, i realized that i forgot to feed my fish Willy all day, so i ran into my room to go feed him.. poor baby starved all day. but when i saw his tank, i saw no movement at all. my heart sank because i thought he died but i think he was sleeping or something because as soon as i dropped the little pebble thingies that fish eat, he started moving again

2: i can pet dogs

a while back, after lunch, sam, james and isaac and i went to the pound to look at animals because the boys have been thinking about getting a puppy. i was excited because i’ve never been to one and i was expecting to see some cute puppies. but after spending some time there i realized what a depressing and lonely place it was. it was such a dull and suffocating place for those animals to be, and i can hear the pain of abandonment in their cries. their barks that i would usually be scared of sounded like cries of help, completely helpless in their cages.

amongst rows of caged dogs, this one black dog stood out to me because she would go crazy whenever someone walked by. she was so desperate for attention, for some love. okay, this dog is not cute at all. she’s really black and dirty and fits the exact category of dogs that i am the most fearful of.. definitely not one of those white fluffy tiny cute ones that i like to look at. but i felt so compelled to sit in front of her and pet her. it was so crazy to me how she quieted down as soon as i put my hands on her and immediately started barking again when i got up to walk away. while i was petting her, she STARED INTO MY EYES, and those eyes have to be the saddest eyes i have ever seen in my life.. and that moment was pretty… life-changing. hahahah as stupid as it sounds, it was the closest thing to a bond that i felt with a dog.

in conclusion, i can almost casually walk by squirrels on campus and am not as freaked out as much as i was before by presence of animals because they have feelings and i am realizing that they’re not scary after all. it gives me hope that little by little, i can appreciate them more because they are also God’s creation.

and one day i will have something like this one on my own:

AHHHH SO CUTE!!! isaac promised to get me one of these hehehehe

i’m really good at tuning out everything around me and just being submerged in my own thoughts. and today was one of those days when i just couldn’t focus on anything. all i remember from the 4 hours of class that i had today is that the entire time, i completely zoned out into space just thinking, blanking out and singing in my head, drifted away in my own world. all the while having a full-on meal smack in the middle of class, occasionally making eye contacts with the professor to appear attentive and realizing that i had missed about 10 chalkboard worth of notes… SIGH. it wasn’t like i sat there being all philosophical pondering about humanity and life, but dang, a lot of things just crossed my mind today. haha no i’m not emo!

but my day wasn’t completely unproductive! today was too nice of a day to just go home after class. so i decided to head over to FSM and sit outside to get some studying done for my midterm tomorrow. i resisted buying another cup of coffee (i’m still trying to figure out the perfect time of day to drink coffee to avoid overdosing on caffeine -__-). it felt so good sipping on my cold iced tea and sitting right under the sun. the sun knew exactly when to shine, the breeze knew exactly when to blow, my iPod was updated with some good music and i even had a hair-tie (i usually never do) to keep my hair from going crazy. i should have stayed longer because i got absolutely nothing done at home.

it’s mid-july which means summer is more than half over. it will take a while for me to get used to introducing myself as a third year, but it really is slowly dawning on me that i am a junior, an upperclassman, almost twenty–basically, OLD. hahaha. i have this tendency to be fixated on “what used to be” and “what could have been” but i am eager to see what God has in store this year. i’ve learned and grown so much these past two years, and i can feel that being reflected in my thoughts. maybe not so much in my actions, but i’m working on it! even with the added responsibilities and worries, i am pretty excited for what is ahead of me

today i woke up an hour before work (which is REALLY early for me because i usually get up 15 minutes before class/work, panic a little and walk so fast that i am panting and sweating by the time i get to wherever i need to be). BUT TODAY i woke up, took a shower, even ate breakfast and just chilled with hayeon. and i mindlessly got out of my apartment at 10:20 (already 20 minutes late) and just slowly strolled to work with my iPod on, admiring the beautiful weather as if i got all the time in the world..

so i got to work at 10:30 and casually walked in to start my assignments. i thought i would get away with being late, but my boss walked into my room as soon as she heard me come in. and then she started to lecture me about professionalism and punctuality in such a nice, professional way that made me want to never be late ever again.

and then she started looking super concerned and worried and started asking me if everything was okay with me. i called in sick earlier this week because i didn’t feel like going to work, so she asked if i had some health issues that she should know about, or if i was too stressed, or if i was going through some kind of crisis. in my head i was like “geez woman i am perfectly fine don’t trip.” i almost blurted out that i was going through a quarter-life crisis or a tough break-up because i couldn’t tell her that i was just feeling extra carefree today morning. haha oh dear.

anyways. today’s 6-hour shift consisted of:

• 2 cups of coffee
• 2 water bottles
• 4 hours of starvation
• 5 bathroom runs
• 6 hours of 1 song on repeat

and endless internet browsing! and look what i came across:

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for items that she doesn’t need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

haha brilliant!

okaaaaaaaay

my life is really boring and i do the same things everyday and unfortunately i am not in korea either

and i am not intelligent enough to write meaningful and thought-provoking entries

but HERE I GO~ i am going to try this again and keep up a blog~

i remember when i used to have a xanga and tYpE lyK diS aNd thOt ii wAz sO kYoOtE! hahaha!!!

OHH! i actually do have something funny/sad that happened today to share. so i was sitting in my daily 2-hour math lecture.. the 2 hours usually go by pretty quickly cuz i just facebook/email/chat on my itouch and/or just stare at my white gsi’s afro and listen to his monotone lisp (kinda cute xD) and take a 10-min nap every break. anyways today, 45 minutes into the class, he stops in the middle of writing a problem on the board, turns around saying that he’ll just finish the rest tomorrow because he doesn’t feel good.. and he just grabbed his stuff and left the room. everyone was soo confused hahah well my initial response was pure joy but now that i think about it, he must REALLY have been in pain if he just had to leave like that (he had a poisonous spider bite the other day..) poor guy and i was also really sad because i stayed up til 3 in the morning finishing the homework that i didn’t even have to turn in.

which got me to think about how happiness and sadness is like an exchange (too much econ ugh). one person’s happiness transfers to another person’s sadness. my entire math class got to leave early while my gsi suffered an inexplicable pain. and like today hayeon got her wallet stolen by a ggaman lady. the lady found a jackpot (regardless of the immorality) at hayeon’s expense. and even though i’m so happy the sun is so hot and bright these days, it really sucks for the construction workers. soo maybe if you add up all the happiness and sadness in the world (you technically can’t.. but still), the world turns out to be a neutral place that can never be fully happy…. hmm i can ramble forever so i should stop

so i’ll end with a quote that i really like from grey’s, cuz i don’t know how else to end it besides “THE END”

“At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don’t really expect it. Its like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And its not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away.”